Apple-Picking, Amsterdam Trekking, and Sailing Down the Loch

When it came time to pick the apples, they were all laid out on the table, and they found it difficult to comprehend the immensity of the project. "Where in the world did all these apples come from anyhow?" said the hobbit, enjoying a fine slice.

"Ah, yes, now in the alder days, things were different".

"How so?"

"Well, a great deal different!"

"How different?"

"Well, for one thing, they were all covered with water."

"Water?"

Ïndeed.

Well, there were a few hot mammas and lots of little baby hobbits running around. What do you take me for, a regular Amsterdam strumpet? What could we do, but eat the little ones. So we all gathered round for a fine party with lots of balloons, eating whatever we could get our hands on, and especially taste-testing the apple-beer. Yes, apple-beer. have you ever tried it? It is really quite something and tastes extra special when mixed with your favorite Port wine, but that's another story entirely. Now we are drinking Ho_Ha_Hola. It's a special Dutch drink that is usually digested with und heineken and perhaps one raw, red herring. Ä herring! said the hobbit. "Vee vant a herrring!" And the Monty Python crowd suddenly showed up and started patting everyone on the back and uttering such merry things as would please the smallest child, roasting now gently over the fire.

"You really eat babies?" asked the little boy to his grandpa Moses.

Önly on special occasions such as this", said the man, "For instance on our twenty-fifth anniversary..." Now that was at Winter Park, a manor house where they shoot the elk. Elk in holland? Now what is this world coming to anyhow? But that is how life is. You must eat all the AppelStroop before the next man, but what is it to him anyhow, but laughing uproariously at the last prostitute while she is smoking weed in anyone of the Brown Cafe's, which is of course 'Verboden'.

Then came the time when Amsterdam was on the train. They were all of them sailors and all of them about ye high. Radio N reports that what we see is not all that we hear, and so was it reported on the latest report from Blackberry, which does not make much sense in translation, but hurrying on to our final destination at A'dam Centraal. Who should appear but one of those blonde Dutch girls walking down the street singing 'Hey wha-diddy-diddy-diddy-doo':

"Ohh I need your lovin', hope you know it's true!' Hold me, love me, say you mean it too. Always on my mind. One thing I can say girl is love you all the time. Ain't got nothing but love, eight days a week. Not enough to show I care."

Coming into port, we moved to take our place in line, after plowing through all the people. 'Vell, vee better check za prices', said the hobbit to the little boy. And so that's what they went. The hobbit translated for the young boy, who was quite fascinated with the bright, blue sky. A nice couple of fellow hobbits then showed up and gave special instructions on how to purchase a basic card, but that was for naught for the older hobbit would have none. Now the little boy came following and down the stairs past the 'I am Amsterdam' sign.

"Can you take my picture?"

"Surely".

"Thank you very much".

Now the little girl was old enough for Roman Polanski, but not for the little boy who was quite shy in fact. He allowed her to rejoin her family of fellow hobbits. Then they went on the move. The traffic was fierce, what with bicycles, cars, and mopeds, but the hobbit and the little boy were determined and continued along unabated. What should appear but a large sign that showed the way to jump off of a very high place on a scooter board, or something such as this. "No matter", thought the little boy, "That looks pretty gay anyway." So off they went, snapping pictures along the way, until they came to one of those Brown Cafe's and a couple Sex Shops. They paid them little heed and kept straight ahead, remarking on the architecture of some of the newer houses."

Ï once lived here" said the hobbit.

"Nice," said the little boy.

Wow. Well, that was facinating. Anywho, who knows what could happen next?! Everything is possible in Amsterdam. So after a few more winding streets, they came upon a 'kirk' where gay rights were celebrated openly. The little boy approached unabated and found himself face to face with a red-haired lady-hobbit who laughed, then passed on, following the group. There was a fraternity there congregated outside and the little boy ran on, too shy to make conversation. He was just a little boy, afterall, and not used to this so-called fraternity setting. Then came Anne Frank's House. Or otherwise known as 'Annen Franken Huis'. The line was long, but the little boy was determined, so he started to scale the edifice to find Anne Frank. He wondered if the Gestapo would have been as clever as him, but of course, he had not take world history as yet. So, what now? Ï'm on top of the world!" said the little boy. And indeed he was, for he was on top of Anne Frank. Now a man, the little boy opened his eyes and found his was in a port.