Serbia: Week 2, KALEMEGDAN.

On Wednesday morning ("Sreda"), Benito woke up to a truly brilliant day in Serbia! After his half of a banana and 'kafa', Benito looked out the window while taking a shower in the bathroom to espy a man, taking in the day from his porch. Benito waved, but the man was too absorbed in the beautiful day to notice Benito. What struck him most was the peaceful nature of the moment, taking his shower. Truly God was smiling down on Serbia this day. Finishing up, Ivana was like, 'Catastropha!' If you were taking a shower in there, I was about to get super mad. But no, it was no problem, for he had only been in the tub for max two minutes. 'Hello' he had said to the Serbian student studying English 'How are you this day?' "Doing well; get dressed!" And Benito obeyed his orders, going and taking a half-shower. Please to take some pictures, said Ivana. But Benito had forgotten his camera :( Well, at least they were all enjoying the day. "Enjoy your coffee!" Benito had said to the Serbian student, and so she did. "Enjoy, enjoy!" exclaimed Ivana. And wrote it down for her student to learn.

And so to continue with the story, for they did not have to wait long for the bus, as it was there. Do you have your ticket? Oops. Must have left it at home along with the camera... Oh, well, buses in Serbia are like half-free anyway.... yeah. Whatever. They said "Vidimo se kasnije" to the Serbian student/ And Jovana is a very intelligent, pretty girl, just like Hermione Granger, for the record. But in any case, Benito continued to study his Serbian on the bus, learning how to say "See you later" and other such phrases such as this. Note to self: Buy Ivana a Christmas present. But to continue with the story... So they got off at their stop and that is rather fuzzy, but now I remember yes, it was near the McDonald's and Benito wants a hamburger (NOW!), but Anika's threatening to shoot him for this, so he shuts his mouth, and doesn't bank on the computer, for Ivana might shoot him. Oh, dear. But they went through the Chamber of Secrets and came upon Diagon Alley, from which point they passed through the Darkness and came upon a place of light where the sun was shining brightly and all the world was in a harmony with itself, and so was Belgrade at this moment. But enough of recollections fondly remembered well. They entered the Main Street where lots of shopping took place, including the buying of hair coloring, for indeed many a hair had been colored the previous night, and that's not all! For Benito engaged in such activities, as mentioned previously, and now is a blondie. Haha. But back to the story.... He found himself in a busy scene of lots and lots of Serbian girls, all looking at dresses and such things as this, and Benito was quite overwhelmed by it all, until Ivana found him once again and saved him from a cruel fate. Haha. Ok, well at least he survived all that shopping, lots of looking and not too much buying. But who's to judge?! Belgrade is shopping centrale!

After a long time or a short time, they came to the Serbian fortress, or Kalemegdan. This was quite a sight to see from a distance and they waited in line after having bought some tourist paraphanalia and Benito noticed a dog just laying there peacefully, just like he had seen from the bus. But enough of such pleasantries. They waited patiently (or not so much) for the light to change. Then embarked on a path of buying! Such trinkets were placed in front of them for easy access, and more and more rings and things and everything nice was there for the taking. What a fond scene it was, truly! I buy you this for Christmas, said Ivana. and so she did. Benito, in turn, bought some things for the sisters Ivana. and there was much rejoicing! Finally, after taking another card from the salesman, they came to the fortress. And Benito was pleased to find tennis courts just outside the fortification's walls. Wow! That is cool, thought Benito. And so it was. Truly. But Benito did not stop there. He continued through the doors of the fortress. He wondered how many wars had been fought on these very grounds and soon encountered the treasured tanks from the Serbian War Museum. How... pleasant! These must be some remnants from a Soviet past, but Benito continued on, through yet another gated passageway, Ivana snapping pictures as they went. there was a guard here as well, but he looked friendly enough, and they passed by without further inquiry. Such was the manner of their going. And then they encountered an open field with many different paths, all leading around to the walls of the fortress, such steep walls, and a level plain below, extending out to the water, the Sava and the Danube, the beautiful waters everywhere. And this, the place where the waters meet! Benito took in the scene there for a time to his heart's content and then moved past yet another set of guards to the platform below, where he went into a little cave, which was a lookout point for viewing the waters below, at this strategic position, all could be seen in four different directions. Benito imagined how it had been in the past with the Turkish invasions and these rivers serving as strategic points of landing upon the capital city. Belgrade, the last stand! Haha.

Then they surely came upon the remnants from a Soviet era, and the end of WWII. yes, these important men were remembered there. And there was much rejoicing (!), yet again. I wonder how Sanja is enjoying her time in Italy? Indeed, Benito had met up with her the previous night, meeting at RED Square, that is, the central square called the Square of the Republic, which features a mounted horseman. No sooner had Benito arrived (after being yet again paranoid about the many policemen he encountered, but nothing happening badly), then Sanja showed up and they went off together to Globaltrekkers. It was quite pleasant and the rain came down all around inside. Well, at least, you could hear it, and indeed, there were a few drops coming down on Benito's head. So much so that he had to move his chair. But there was this other American, sitting with some Serbs, who was studying Serbian truly, for then a couple of Seriban girls came and sat beside him, looking over his papers, critiquing. And Benito wondered how to say "Good luck!" in Serbian. But then Sanja's friends showed up and there was much rejoicing. It was made evident that there was indeed a piano here and Benito would one day play it, that was for shizzle. But for now, he was content to sip his Gluh-wein, err, mulled wine. But only one glass! They talked about a range of different subjects, including teaching in Japan and other interesting topics of discussion in Serbian, for truly I tell you, you shall speak Serbian so that everyone can understand you. And so it was coming into town from that faraway monastery that was not to be found. Indeed, Benito had found some sort of basketball court, but no monastery. But that was cool, for he found his bus after a lady was like, here is the stop, and speaking only in Serbian so that everyone can understand, as the saying goes, and she indicated that Benito should depart the bus at that time, so that is what he did. And another nice Serb instructed Benito that he take the bus with them downtown. And that is what they did. They waved goodbye and so he was there. It was familiar to him at that time, as it was the following day. But back to that night where they embraced and said goodbye, promising to meet again in Japan, for that was quite a special occasion for them all. And so it was, and so it was. But back to the story....

Ivana was getting a bit tired, as was Benito, for their time at Kalemegdan was coming to an end. Benito had seen a man walking his dog from the upper ramparts and watch-point, and now he saw a man writing on a bench, and envied him for that poetic scene. Indeed, Serbia has many poets and great writers of note, including but not limited to one author of "The Bridge over the Drina". Fast forward to another time of shopping, stopping in various stores, including 'time out', brands from California. Indeed, Benito was a 'Lo Ridda, so he naturally gravitated to these brands. But buy it right away he did not, for Benito was not an "impulse shopper". Instead, be bought a belt with 'che' on the front, passing up the jeans in the "thrift store" and deciding not to gamble that night, for fear of what the trouble he might cause, but telling himself that he would indeed visit the Casino on the river one day. And all rejoiced for they were to see Avatar the following night, which may seem like a movie about these computer-animated creatures that can fly, but is really about race. Just a thought put out by one Hakim Thompson on F/B. Peace and good will for this very Merry Christmas! And special thanks to all of Benito's loyal fans. Hvala!

Serbia: More Adventures in the Shower!

So Benito got really sick over the weekend, starting on Thursday with a sore throat, and progressing into a full-blown cold (luckily not swine flu, but the second wave is coming!), so he did not experience the night-life in Belgrade, but that was OK, for he got to dance at home and get used to his hosts there. Now what could he do, but lay in bed, so that was what he did, as the girls (his new Serbian "sisters") took care of him like a king. For that is what Benito wished to be: the next King of Serbia. Haha! Ivana made him tea and bought the medicinal soups to be administered, waiting on him hand and foot, while Anika and Jovana did the cooking. Soon enough, Benito was on his feet again, alive and kicking, dancing the night away... Serbians know how to have a good time! Haha. That is good. Water clubs on Friday! Whoop whoop.
Wait til we hit that up, yo!

But seriously there was an incident which bears remembrance which is that Benito was shat on on Friday ('Petak'). May it be remembered that even he was shat upon, and may it be recorded in the annals of history forever more. Such was it that his Serbian compatriots were very much jealous of this fact (it is indeed good luck!) and said so much as they left the Nike outlet store en route to another Athletic's store where Benito tried on some basketball shoes but did not buy, for the lady was like, "yo, those are some ugly-ass shoes" and Benito was like, "Thanks, lady." So then they went to church and lit some candles, upper for the living, downer for the dead, and so did he light a candle in that hallowed place for one Craig Eder whose soul surely resides in heaven at this time. Let it be recorded for posterity that e'en these candles were placed underneath the icon for Jesus Christ in accordance with the customs for Christmas.

Then they went on their way to the store (with a little impromptu snowball fight!)where Benito bought it out for shizzle! What a scene, trying to buy tomatoes, which involved weighing them and put a special tag on the bag. With some assistance, Benito got his tomatoes and beer and made for the register, after picking up some aftershave. (Tiger Woods be the man for shizzle my nizzle!) Then they made for home where more and more soup was consumed and Benito tucked himself delicately into bed, but not before doing some F/Bing and such and sundry, as Ivana played at DJ. That night was surely eventful as Sasha called and his friend wanted to use the bathroom, so Ivana obliged. "We are now officially a public toilet!" she proclaimed, and so they were. "You should charge next time, Benito!" Haha. "Welcome to Serbia!" said the friend. So that was quite an eventful evening.

The next day Benito was worse and stayed in bed the whole day, just getting up briefly to open the window and take a shower. When he got in the tub, he switched on the radio on his cell phone and was about to turn on the shower head (which had somehow broken since his last use) when the bathtub started "peeing" on him. In all fairness, it was simply the water from the laundry machine, but boy was it cold! Benito then started the shower hoping to put some warm water on the affected area and directed the shower head onto his feet where the cold water was coming out. It stopped. Benito had set his timer so as not to use up all the water (an unfortunate incident had occurred in which he had done just that, but no matter, one learns from his mistakes), and when the time was done and the alarm went off, the cold water started coming out again and Benito was then like "Abandon ship!" and got out of the shower as quick as lickety split. He worked on his journal for a time and read. Luckily, he had the Serbian sisters to keep him company while he was sick and recovering. Again, they catered to his every need. And God saw that this was good.

Sunday was more of the same with visitations by certain Serbian friends. Quite pleasant, really, but hardly eventful. In any case, Benito caught up on his reading until Anika asked him to show her a few moves, so up he got and they all started to dance. Jovana's BF caught on to the towel and they did the traditional dance, going from side to side. Benito was a natural, by all accounts. Another night of party in Serbia, but more to come on this regard...

Serbia: Day Four!

That afternoon headed out the troops for to report at the Police Station and make known what was to come! In there was another scene from Kafka's novels. People waiting in line for who knows what. It reminded Benito of the DMV back home. Oh, my! Well, at least they didn't have to wait, for sure enough, Ivana found out that they needed to be elsewhere, just next door. So away they went back outside and around the corner. There was some more Serbian spoken in hushed tones and the policeman indicated that they ought to fill out some form. So fill out the form they did and returned it as asked. Unfortunately, it could not be done, for Ivana was not the owner of the household. Oh, well. So off they went again into the snow. What's to be done! They headed away. They could deport me? Well, that's the truth. I'm thinking, said Ivana. And that's all she wrote. So they headed for the next place, noting the snowy weather all around. There was some large department store across the street, but Ivana knew where the best mall was. And that's where they went later, but for now, more bus riding in this never-ending story. You know your way around, said Ivana, so you can go around by yourself now. Sure! Benito said. Whatev's. Departing the bus, they came to the next corner, and there appeared suddenly Ivana's sister, Jovana. Hello, Jovana! So off the three of them went on another adventure in Belgrade. To that hallowed place, the Bohemian quarter!

Benito followed behind, looking in the little cafes scattered here and there. What you gonna do?! This is where the poets and playwrights come, exxplained Ivana. Ok, said Benito. They stopped to take some pictures there in that place, and Benito noted the Stella Artois above the door, promising himself that he'd come back for a pint at some point. One beer, ok. Two beers, ok. Three beers, not so good. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Rakkia before beer, you're in the clear! hahaha. After a few more photos, they continued on their merry way, past more hang-outs and outdoor cafes, until crossing the street they arrived at the Little Bay Restaurant. Benito was betting that they had a piano, and he was not far off. They had an electric piano. So, so. Immediately, Benito asked to play in this, the restaurant near the National Theatre. All over the walls were painted paintings of classical quality and opera music sounded over the loudspeaker. This was a good point about this piano: it had a great sound speaker. It was electric, but what you gonna do? First, Benitoo asked where the bathroom was so that he could warm his hands, eventhough they were already warm. Then coming back, he sat down and they silenced the overhead music for his benefit so that he would have the mastery over the music. Benito had thought to play the Debussy first, but then elected for the Beethoven, as they had been so nice as to silence the overhead music. So, Benito the pianist commenced his performance in the restaurant. It wasn't perfect, but Benito wasn't trying to be perfect. He was simply stretching his fingers and seeing what the effect might have on the people gathered there. It was quite the experience to play there in that place!

That afternoon they feasted on such a feast as was fit for Kings! Haha. Ivana and Benito shared the El Grande Guapo portion and Jovana had some other chicken dish. It was quite nice: the girls were having lemonades and Benito elected for the zizzy water. We must do this again sometime! said Benito, and so they would, four days later (at least, that was Benito's prediction). In Serbia, we eat like kings! It's very cheap here. In fact, it's so cheap that no matter what you do, you can't spend more than $4, as hard as you try. True, Benito had spent close to $15 on an icon at Sava's, but that was all. His gloves he purchased on the street for an affordable 10 cents. Hey, even 50 cent could get along in the city! What a drag! And that's what they did later on: drag on cigarettes, but more on that later!

The doors opened wide for the guests to depart, just as if you were exiting the theater and their waitor said to Benito, "That was a wonderful performance." And so it had been, and Benito was glad thereby as they went past some more Serbian Republic buildings and the National Theater. At that point, Jovana took her leave and went off in another direction, leaving Ivana and Benito to fend for themselves. Well, that is what you have to do in Belgrade at least: fend for yourself! And so was it another successful venture among the streets of Belgrade, and so did they take in the sights, although Ivana had seen it all before... They picked up a bus nearby another cafe and took that to another McCafe, where Ivana had a hot-chocolate, which was also Benito's favorite, but Benito got an espresso instead.

Suddenly Anika appeared and there was much rejoicing. They talked for a time, then went on their merry way to a scheduled appointment about exchanges abroad, at which Benito pleasantly slept. Ivana had expressed her fear of elevators from her time as a small child and this carried forth from that day. But no matter, she was brave. So on they went to catch the next bus to the mall. There Benito bought a new sweater. Such a nice mall it was, and Benito felt like breaking out to the hip-hop music, but refrained lest it be taken the wrong way.>> Ivana had an appointment, but promised they would come back again for the winter boots. At this point, Benito had a pair of hiking boots that he had picked up on his journeys to the west coast.

Thus ended Day Four in Serbia. Oh yes, and the girls, as always, were playing "that game": dice. Haha. Benito has yet to indulge in such trivial pursuits, but maybe one day in the future, as in not at all, but he does not judge... ;) Peace!

Third DAy: Serbia ("The Holy Day") and (more) Shopping!

Woke up in the morning from the late night of F?Bing to greet the pigeons ("GOLUB") once again on my window sill. The snow was covering everything, making it very white here in Serbia! Well, what can I say? It's a "Winter Wonderland"! So I sing the song, walking along, walking in a "Winter Wonderland". There was a call from Ljubica; a special Serbian sandwich was consumed; and some violent television programs. Sometime later in the afternoon, Benito took the bus into town to the holy place of all in Serbia, Saint Sava! It is the largest Orthodox Church in all of Serbia and what a sight to behold. It is something like Aya Sofia in Istanbul. Benito approves of this message.

Leaving the crowded bus once again, Benito found himself at the stop light before crossing the tracks and entering the holy site. He stopped to take a photograph from a distance where little boys and girls were playing together. Suddenly from behind there appeared some Serbian police. Benito had been warned by Ivana: "Don't speak English near the police!" Benito was afraid, so he shut his eyes and counted to ten. When he opened them, they were gone! After a few more pictures, Benito entered inside. The place had been under construction and had been damaged in the bombings, so it was some site to behold, with large concrete ceiling and icons everywhere. Benito passed by the small shops, making the sign of the cross in the Orthodox style and kissing the icons. Then coming around the side passageway, he came upon a side chapel or place of worship. There were people here, some lighting candles, others kissing icons. Benito stood there for awhile, taking in the scene, then after awhile standing there observing, Benito did as the Serbians did and went up to the middle icon, making the sign of the cross. Which shoulder was it? Left or right? Benito observed carefully and carefully made the sign of the cross from right shoulder to left, then chest, then lips, and finally to the floor. Then he hit up the Virgin Mary, kissing the cloth below the icon. Suddenly there appeared the Orthodox priest, hurrying in from the cold. The whole church, you see, was open to the weather outside and an urn burned nearby yielding warmth. Benito, however, stood by another young lady so that he could better observe when to do the crossing of oneself. A choir formed nearby and started to chant. Benito had found himself as part of a service and had no choice but to attend, so he did his best to follow the rituals. An elder lady went around kissing icons as the service progressed, making the sign and singing along in a low murmur. She struck Benito as being very devout Orthodox. Benito, on the other hand, while he had no idea what they were singing, hummed along nevertheless and followed the signing of the cross. He also noticed that people, after kissing the icons, were petting something next to it. He did not want to stick out like a sore thumb in the presence of these fellow Serbians! Especially with the guard behind the glass. One foul move, and... He thought himself to be doing a pretty good job, however, and when the priest moved around with the incense, he turned his body in the direction of the priest and achnowledged him as he passed by crossing himself at that time, just like he had done in the Russian Orthodox Church back home. When the service finished, Benito moved to acknowledge the other icons. (NB: Ivana has just found a perfect Serbian restaurant! But back to the story...) He kissed one to the right of the "high altar" and moved to kiss the one to the left, but then another lady moved in to do the same, and then the priest, boxing out poor Benito, who had prepared himself with money to put in the slot. The Orthodox Serbians were not petting the icons... they were putting money into the slot! But, as noted, the priest was there to bless a woman, kneeling down by that particular icon, so there was nothing for it but to wait and see. So wait Benito did. For awhile, at least, until it became apparent that the priest would be taking quite a bit of time. So, Benito found himself another suitable icon, kissed and "petted" it, and went on his way. He stood there from the back, observing the ceremony for a time, as others filtered in, lighting icons and witnessing this ritual. Perhaps he was admonishing her for her sins, or performing some sort of exorcism: Benito could only guess! After a long time or a short time, Benito left the sanctuary and made for the exit, but not before buying a holy icon in the shape of St. Sava itself, which will be a nice present for his kitchen back home.

Exiting the church, Benito made his way through the snow around the side as the bells were ringing outside, wondering where was the National Library. Benito was about to ask a lady passing by where it was, but then noticed the police station nearby and decided against it. Benito figured that they might be able to hear his English within a 10 km radius of where he was speaking. And it was too cold to spend the night in jail (!), so Benito kept silent, and also kept his cool, moving around the side of the adjacent, dark building, wondering if this was indeed the National Libary. He come upon an entrance, but it was not what he was looking for, so he continued onward. Jovanna had told him that the library was under repair and there was indeed another building nearby under repair, but how many buildings in Serbia are under repair?! As Benito could make out from a distance, it was not the National Library. So, Benito continued along, passing by some kids who were sledding. At this point, Benito did not know what to do. To go left or right, that was the question. Benito spotted a statue in the distance nearby that looked like some remnant from a Stalinist past, and decided to make for it. A dog came up to Benito's side and the owner called it back with strict words. Other children were playing 'King of the Mountain' nearby the statue when Benito approached it from the back, and people huddled along in the cold. A few people were taking pictures of the statue and the temple behind, but Benito paid them little heed. He gave them a wave, but lest they be Soviet conspirators with the police, he did not engage with speech! His picture taking at an end, Benito made for the Apotheka, desiring of some dental floss. But how to get in?? The door he tried found himself in a small grocery store! Argghhh. So, Benito exited and tried again, but try as he might, he just could not find it. He felt like "K", searching for the entrance to the castle. Finally, like his quest for the National Library, he just gave up and headed for the bus where he would wait for an eternity, buying a magazine to ask for directions while another cop strolled on by. Heavens! How long for bus #78?! But bus # 78 it was, and come it did finally! AFter twenty buses marked #48 and several #33. Oh, and another thing! This bus station was like "make-out central". It seemed like every guy with his girl was making out at the bus stop, and Benito was sure to notice this point. Hmmm.... (if only.)

When Benito got to his final destination, there was Ivana coming up from behind. Oh, what a pleasant sight to see all that snow around the home sweet home. A group of kids was playing soccer next to their building and the ball landed close to Benito. Benito flashed them the 'peace sign' and continued on his merry way.

What do you get for a Klondike bar? These were some of the thoughts running through Benito's head that night as he played Happy Acquarium on his F/B, successfully mating two of his virtual fishes. But enough of these children's games! Time for Serbia: Day 4!

First Day: SERBIA

I write this as I sip on some Serbian beverage of choice, a special black coffee. MMmmmmm... stong drink. Rather like sludge, but hey, must put hairs on one's chest! But that's not all. On my first night in Serbia I went shopping and bought nothing. Zilch. Zero. Natta! That was an accomplishment in itself, as I tried on different Lambswool sweaters, but I need the zip down kind, said I! So off we went to the next shop, a bookstore to look for English books. There we found all the Travel Books one could hope for, and I'm wondering about Cyprus. Ivana's like: Just do it! So now I wonder about that, as Turkey is in "civil unrest" (!) Then we went and had donuts and made it a night. Nightclubs seem to be all the rage, especially on the water, which brings me to Serbia: Day 2!

Custom Search

Got up bright and early and put on my running shoes. Ivan's like: Ben, it's too cold for running. Just walk! So I walk down John Kennedy St. in this, the "nice" neighborhood. And it struck me as well right when I got off the plane. Ivana: Yes, we have dogs. And so they do! All over the damn place, just walking down the street, minding their own business. Thankfully the ones going around are of the smaller variety. The one a disturbed coming into the apartment I mistook at first for a cat! But in any event, there were the cannines, indulging themselves on some bones or something. And even the crows, one large one sitting on a car, taking the meat off the bone. My, oh my, thought I, what have a gotten myself into this time! But that was all one, for the river was soon to be found, lying only 15 min. walk away and yes, there were joggers at this hour of the morning in this cold. Joy! And jog Benito did down the thoroughfare where little white cars scooted on by and the glory of the Danube was there for all to see! Past the Casino Benito went, promising himself to spend perhaps 100 euro in there, which is roughly 1,000,000 or so dinar. Yeah, I'm a rich man! In any case, bought some bananas from the stand on the way back, after taking in the river and the ducks and the dog fights going on nearby. Not properly, just running around and barking and yelling going on, so that bystanders stopped to watch. And there was some structure that looked like a castle that Benito mistook at first glance for a skateboarder park and some statue that may have been a remnent of some Soviet past, but these little houses on the water. Cafe's and such were really quite nice to take a date. (Maybe Ivana and her sister!) But in any case, this was the first scouting expedition. A man spoke to Benito in Serbian, but Benito paid him no heed, having vowed to disengage from the homeless, as he can help everyone with a dime every time and again. Was he really asking for directions? Nobody knows, but Benito was not getting involved this time around.

Coming back to the house, he was surprised to find his shower was a handheld one in all cases. Benito was astounded, forgoing the nice-sized shower back in Germany, but he would make do! There was also a large water heater right above the faucet, which certainly did make the water warm for all of ten minutes, which was enough to run a nice bath for himself. Soon he was enjoying himself in it. Then Ivana's sister woke up and they enjoyed some coffee together as Benito explained his literary ambitions, as well as his plans to take over the world! (One woman at a time...) But in any case, it was quite pleasant, and then Benito showed her his college website and they played domino's, then chess. Ivana's like: You could just do that at home! Well, maybe not with my sister, but still. Well, they did get out after a time and saw the great Orthodox church in all its glory. Then they went to a birthday party and Benito learned his first words in Serbian: "Sredah Rodendah!" Happy Birthday! And there was much celebration with Serbian hip-hop music playing in the background. Benito bobbed his head to the music, much to the delight of all in attendance. So that was that. They ate their special Greek cake and departed in fine fashion. (Did I mention that it was snowing?) The snow continued to fall.>> After another crammed ride on the (free) bus/ tram ride, they arrived at their respective destinations: Ivana to teach a small little girl and Benito back home. So completed day #2.

Mondschau und Bad Neunahr

"Why go to München when you can go to Mondschau?" That was the question Benito asked himself when he got out of the car again at this quaint little town. It was quite picturesque! The little rivers wound their way around down the hill and the castle sat all lit up on top of the hill to the east. Benito was planning his trip to the east to arrive shortly! But for now he was content to listen to the waters and count his blessings. This time in Mondschau they approached from the south and immediately came upon the Christmas tree. Benito was struck by that sense of deja-vous one encounters from time to time, but this time the notion was well-founded, having depth to it, for not long before had Vicki bought a certain hat which Thorsten had worn in the Greek restaurant where Benito had supposedly spoken the language, but nothing looked familiar when staring at the paper napkin next his beer! Oh, well, another time.

So, observing the orchestra atop the nearest building, braving the cold, they continued along, stopping briefly to take some photo's and get a good look at the tree. They peeked inside the hotels and little shops, but did not go in just yet. They were afraid of spending too much of course, or at least Benito was apprehensive, having spent €300 in one day in Aachen. But that was important for him, for he was about to enter real winter conditions in the distant East in Serbia! It was quite a scene. And Benito recognized some of the shops from his earlier visit, or thought he did at least, and then he was sure, for coming along they came upon that bridge where the Seiß's had stopped to sip their Gluh-wein. That was the clincher. And there was the church. But this time they did not stop there for the church was not open. Instead they continued to the end of the road and looked at some gloves and hats, for winter was coming on fast! But nothing to their liking did they find, and instead, played some kind of children's games at the nearest stand, but could not get their heads around it, though demonstrated perfectly by the salesman. So, they did not get that, but Benito found himself a nice little house to poke his head into, which was rather like a Swiss chalet, but declared vy Van to be most certainly German. Then they feasted on potatoes and all was right in the world, as they sipped their Gluh_wein. Yum! Don't tell ma and pa! Well, it's only a glass of Gluh_wein afterall. So they did sip on it. And went their way, checking on the price of a room for the night, which was €72 for two. Too expensive was the declaration of the night, but the cheese was not, and hwo smelly it was! And they sampled the local schnitzel, finding it to be a bit salty... No matter, for there was a hat stand just down the way, specializing in American brands made especially for Germany, but that did not convince 'El Benito', and so he went his way, vowing to find a real German cap. He already had plenty of mugs at this point, but what he really wanted was a Bavarian coat, and so he made his pledge.

Coming around into the wine country, they made for the Roman baths. These were special and cost a lot. But they just made note of the decorations and went their way. It was special, indeed, with streamers and apples and cones dangling like pendulum's and special classical music playing on the bridge, serving more Gluh-wein. They made their way to the end of the bridge and went into the Martin Luther Church there at the end where there was some kind of choir rehearsal going on. Benito could tell the churh's affiliation by noting the little projected screen and then he knew that they were indeed evangelical, which he rather fancied following his sojourn at Middlebury College's 'Christian Fellowship'. No need to fret, he did not stay long, only to snap a picture of one Martin Luther, and then continued on his merry way, past the jewelry stand, and stopped for another sip of wine before he made his debut in the nearby hotel, which was not known for it's splendid piano, for there was no one playing. After a time, they were granted permission and Benito assumed the position. But the piano seat was not up to par, and so Benito's playing was neither good nor bad, and was deemed similarly to not be quite up to par. Thusly, the man in typical German manner said, "Please to play the first movement and not the third, as the third movement needs more work. Thank you very much indeed!" But Benito did not know the first movement. He could not as yet play by ear... So, instead he played the Debussy. This was greeted with a courtesy, but a request that perhaps it was time to give it a rest, so Benito held his head high and exited the premise with a quick nod to the hotel staff. He would work on the 1st movement.

Then they went to the German baths......

But first, they stopped in the Casino, which used to be used for dance parties, but now had hardly anyone inside. Oh, well, another time. This was not Benito's first encounter with the baths and he was looking forward to it. He could smell the chlorine right away. Changing, he left everything in his locker and continued towards that large edifice which contained the hot tubs and the pools, including the outdoor one, which was rather cool, and the mist drifted off the surface of the water as if they were in Iceland. They tried everything for one hour's time, going in the waters and then in the hot tub, and then back in the pool. And that was how it went, until it was time to go and Benito made his way to the showers where he took a warm bath, relieved himself, and got changed. Home again, home again, singing all the way! It had been a good weekend overall and now Benito was looking forward to more piano playing back at the home base and more chocolate parties, which they celebrated on Sunday, while watching CNN and playing more piano at the cafe's where Polish men appreciated the Chopin music and tried to hit on the mentor, but to no avail. And Dana Horakova's book was searched for a not found, but there was plenty of Chinese food to go around and a beer was drunk in Euskirchen in the bar, served up by a middle-aged bartender who liked like she could use a pick-me-up. But no matter, for they were on their way out without looking back and Benito was outside looking at fake Rolex's, but knew he could prob's get a better deal in NY, so they left, stopping briefly at the Backerei, which Benito often mistook for a 'Backpacker's Hostel', but no matter for Benito was headed to cooler clime's....

Next stop: Serbia. Hooray!

Aachen

He came by train. "He came; he saw; he conquered." And so it was in Aachen. Benito got off his tall horse and moved a little to the right. 'Wo ist das Bahnhof?' And so did he find his way. An elderly lady asked him something in German which he could not comprehend. Englisch, she said. The train to Cologne finally came and Benito was quick to get on with his overly large suitcase. So, that was how the Köln cookie crumbled. But say nothing he did not as he loaded himself onto the train and the babies cried out with a leisurely way that was not all together in keeping with the environs, but at least they were in their baby-carriages. So, what do you say to that? Benito got out his notecards and the train filled to full capacity, but Benito had he none. The switch was in Cologne. He followed the path of no return. That was how it went. So, what could he do now that he had had a wiener-schnitzel? So, so, so. What do you say to that? But what he could not figure out was what in the world was that young man trying to say on the train? That young man named Dennis. At first, Benito thought he was trying to bum a ticket off of him, and then he thought he wanted some money, but none could Benito make of it all, until he wrote it down. And then he understood it still not. But what can you do? He looked at Benito's ticket, said 'Ah, so!' and ran away and Benito saw him naught anymore.

Arriving in Aachen HBf, he quickly made his way toward the 'Bücherei', but it was too small, so he continued along. Finding a man finally who showed him the way back to the train station and to a little bookstore where he bought a paper which to-date, he has not read. So, so, so. What do you make of that? But then, coming out of the bookstore, he found Claudia wearing her green, green jumper. They celebrated then for a time and moved on. 'Sprechen-Sie deutsche?' This was a question which Benito got a lot. Well, he spoke a little, ich spreche ein beißhen. So, that was that. Then, after giving a fiver to the homeless dude, they were off.

Coming to the house, they played some pool. Then some more. And later, some more. And even later, they went bowling, all from the garage! What fun Benito was having here in Aachen. Well, they went that evening for some traditional Chinese medicine. And that was good. Unfortunately, the doctor had no time for Benito, but that gave Benito some time to record some all-famous recipes, like for mint coffee for example. That is good. Well, after a long time or a short time, it came time to be leaving. They had played many a game on Quint's I-touch phone and now they were ready to be heading out. They had all experienced Zen, to be sure. So what now? Well, the cell phone store downstairs was closed, so they then made their way back to the parking lot, where Quint and Benito chilled until the others came a'knocking. And then the chimes started to ring out so that noone could hardly get any sleep, but then Benito met Thorsten.

An amiable man was Thorsten, who was fair: strict but fair. 'What have you to do in Aachen?' asked Thorsten of Benito. 'Why, I've come to see the sights!' said Benito, and so he had. Well, that is good. And they all ate chestnuts together and celebrated most whole-heartedly. That is good. And drank beer and sat by the fire. It was Thanksgiving after all, and turkeys were supposedly nearby. But what could Benito do but eat nuts and drink beer. Yeah! Oh, well...

The next day Benito went to the lab with Thorsten. ABIOLAB it was called. Benito then went into town for to see what he could see. What sights to see! Among them, the Aix-la-´Chappelle in all its glory. But Benito did not go there right away. Instead, he went walking along past the magic fountain with a man reaching out as if to catch something in his hand, like spare change. Then to the bookstore where Benito bought a lot of stuff, including a book by Robert Jordan, which he promptly lost, but that came later. Together with his bag, he had an Irish coffee and departed the premises for to find something to chew on. Finding then the Gluhwein. Oh, the magical Gluhwein. He would have much more later on! But for now, he was content. He had turned around and found the museum, the Clouvein, for which he had been searching and that was good. Then, he went to the phone shop, and while he was there, an older man came aknockin' singing, "Oh, Hohoho!" What could Benito do but help the old drink. He wanted to make a call, so Benito bought him a beer and held the phone up to his ear. "Oh, hohoho!" said the man to the lady on the other end. And thus was he able to secure a coat for the night, and thus was Benito able to secure a good deed and the man sang out, "Benito!!! This is my friend named Benito." With a hug and a kiss, he was off, as people looked down on him and held up their noses.

Then Benito left his stuff at the counter and carried on into the crowd, in search of more Gluhwein. Klasse! That is good. He saw many pretty girls, but with none could he speak, until he found a man smoking some Greek cigarettes. That, Benito could understand. Or at least, read outright. He struck up a conversation, finding out that he was a student at the University named Alexei. And he also had a Greek girlfriend. That is good. He was from Thessaloniki and recommended a destination in Rhodes quite highly, saying that it was very beautiful. Mykonos is good, he said, but only for make party. Otherwise, it is not so nice. So, they parted on good terms. Then, Benito took a seat, drank more Gluhwein, as the other party-goers saw him for the English-man that he was. Oh, well. The bells! But anyhow, Benito payed them little heed, for they were mean little Germans! But then, Benito went away from the crowd and found himself some new friends, whose names he can not now recall, but which were very nice. And so that was good. One thought Benito looked familiar, and another was a student of psychology. Benito suggested that she might psychoanalyze him! But that was all for naught. She showed promise, but with a German, Benito just could not get, using all his devices. Perhaps tomorrow? All Benito needed was a little more time, and then he was sure he could work his magic! Haha. Well, maybe in Paris?? That would be nice. When Benito came back to the place where his jacket had been, he found nothing. He asked, but to no avail. So, that was not so good. "You lost my jacket?!" Thorsten said at the breakfast table the next day. And so he had. But, what were the consequences. Could Benito yet again buy his way out of trouble? Out look not so good. So, what could he do. He bought another jacket. And after having found an apology waiting for him and a pardon, much like Obama's turkey, it was too late. The jacket could not be returned. So, Benito found himself in a pickle. What would you do? Now, he must steal the money back, or face his doom!

For now, however, Benito was content to wonder and wonder he did, what the meaning of life would entail. But together they went the next day back into Aachen for to do some shopping. It was a pretty laid back weekend. That was good. The model trains were there in town, but pay them attention, Benito did not and went shopping instead and back into the Aix-la-Chappelle, after spending around €0.30 to use the facility. That was good. Now in the chapel, he asked about the services and was pleased to find that indeed there was organ playing, just on Sunday. Benito did not unfortunately attend. That was not so good. But, he did have an eventful Sunday nonetheless, and another Weinachts Markt!

This time they went hiking in a swamp. This was good. Then it was windy. This was nicht sehr gutt. But, they survived, even if Quint had not so much fun after running barefoot in the snow, and Eric didn't feel like speaking English. But no matter Benito would try and sober him up. That was good. Thorsten was being an amiable God-father (oooohhh, the 'God-father') and helped Benito to button his coat. So, Benito played the part. Also, taking off his shoes. 'If somebody jumped off a bridge, would you?' Apparently, yes. Then they all went out into the small town in Belgium for some Belgian waffles. Shmechte-gutt! That was good. Then down the stream, ever following Vicki and company into the glass-blowing shop. Then for a little more way until they came to the town with the little houses. Go in the shops they did not, but buy more Gluhwein and some deep-fried potatoes, so they did. That was good. Benito's stomach was strong and therefore did not suffer the consequences. That was also good. At the end, there was a big Christmas tree and people playing a mysterious music. Thorsten bought a Christmas hat with long braids for his daughter and off they went into the night. Ah yes, and they also stopped buy the bridge near the kirche to take some pictures of the beautiful scene. That was good. Then, they were back on track and, Gluhwein in hand, made their way back. It had been a good time overall.

Oh yes, and Saturday night had been a house-warming party. That was also good, but there were a lot of older people, only one Benito's age, but that was Ok, for he agreed to show Benito around next week at the University and that was good. Then the Seiß family watched 'Ice Age 3' and all rejoiced, and large quantities of wine were consumed. Holla! Well, at least it's not whisky, which the Seiß's have a lot of, supposedly, so we shall see. Now, it is time for another sip of wine. Cheusse!

Edinburgh (Part Deux)

That very night. Benito had an encounter of the third kind when he came into contact with the Fairy Queen. Her name was Lara, which is also the name of the main character in PHillip Pullman's classic 'Golden Compass' series. No doubt, Benito was pleased to make her acquaintance. They met under the full moonlight, or rather, the light from under the castle where they were destined to meet like... well, it was super! Benito asked, 'Can I call you Arwen?' 'No', she had said, 'Just call me Lara.' 'Lara Lewis?' 'No, just plain Lara.'
And so they met there under the Scott Memorial, dedicated to one Sir Walter Scott, author of 'Ivanhoe' and 'Waverley', which Lara had to read for school at Edinburgh. What a coincidence! Benito felt like a character from one of those novels as they spoke. Sweetness!
They walked off together into the night, well around the next corner, being treated to a special dish of muscels, cooked to perfection, and chatting away about this and that, it coming apparent that Benito was really looking forward to going to Japan. Lara too had heard of Japan, but had had only one friend that had traveled to such distant lands. ah, well, that's how the muscels break and their shells fall to the floor! But not tonight, oh not tonight. No, tonight was about something special. The look in her eye, the way she folded her napkin, all bespoke of one thing. What would that thing be, thought Benito in that instant. But nothing came to him all of a sudden, save that she spoke in a ridiculously cute accent, befitting her rank and class. Nothing could have prepared Benito for that moment. That moment in time. When everything else seemed as nothing, and the moment infinitely expandable in her eyes...
She showed him the castle after dinner (and what a sight it was!), and that was that.
Afterwards, Benito greatly enjoyed his stroll down Prince's Street, feeling as light as a feather! He felt as though he were floating, dressed as he was, and the night carried him forward towards the giant clock tower in the center of town, and onwards up the stairs to his dorm room. But that would not be the end of his adventures, for no sooner did he wake up then he knew what he wanted. Was it a violin? Nay, it was a kilt!
So, it was up and Adam for Benito. and he approached North Bridge, buying somehting special along the way. What it was for sure is uncertain, although it rhymes with 'built'. Trying it on, he thought it matched his specifications and immediately was impressed by it and continued on his merry way, after first asking directions to Dundee from a friendly Scot, who suggested he try flying to Dublin. Yes, it seems everyone was headed that way and that was surely what Benito had in mind as well. But first to the birthplace of one Harry Potter.
After a brief and largely uneventful stop in the National Library, and a brief adventure to read Aristotle's 'Ethics' in the Public Library across the way, Benito made it to that hallowed place with a view to die for. He entered in and ordered a Cafe Mocha, which unfortunately contained powdered milk, so that would not do at all. So, instead, he traded it in for a cappucino, which was quite sufficient. What a fuss! Oh, well, at least he had a little sandwich. Pee-yew! he said. Then he sat down in one of the 'Elephantile' seats to toast Ms. Rowling and feast his eyes on the castle.
After night had fallen and all had gone to bed, Benito made his way down the street to buy himself a nice woollen hat, which he wears to this day! And then on down to a pub where some nice Italians were just entering and that was quite commodious. He sat down for a nice sheep burger, which came highly recommended. Mmmmm... even better the second time around. But after making the acquaintance of a fellow in the restroom where they sold condoms for 1 pound each, Benito found himself mesmerized by the TV screen for there was football on the tele. Hmmmm... Well, no matter, Italian or no Italian, Benito would have his fun! So off he went with a quick 'Ciao, Ciao' to an Italian fellow chatting away on his cell, and down the street, receiving a text from the Fairy Queen, saying that she could not attend the Pub Crawl that evening. No matter. Benito would have his fun, no matter the odds! So he headed for the Filmhouse where he found a lot of people, which was also quite commodious. It was a good film overall about this lady from Monaco, who was a real slut but knew how to have a good time. Benito had been waiting in line behind this real swell chick, but did not initiate conversation ,which was lucky since he found her to have another German boyfriend at the time. But no matter, Benito would have his fun, so he enjoyed the French film, first in the series. And one of the ladies who was introducing the film, sat down in the empty chair next to Benito, or rather leaned in against it, so that it appeared as though she were carousing with Benito, then came up on stage to announce 'Bon projection!' And that was that. After about twenty minutes of adds. then, Benito went to put on his new item of clothing. Quite fab! And proudly paraded in front of the local strip clubs, which he did not enter on account of moral reasons... what, Benito has morals? Oh, man! Well, no matter, Benito would have his fun, so he continued along past all these different hot spots, finally coming to a place just off St. George's Square, which was called 'Candy'. There, Benito had a drink, then a chick bought him a drink and they got to talking. Well, that was something at least. Everyone was very pleased to hear that he was from DC. Chill, they all thought, and Benito felt like dancing, so he invited the chicks to join him, but they did not consider it such a dancing joint and suggested moving down the street, except they left without Benito and he was left to count his curds and whey, but no matter, Benito would have his fun, so he moved on down passed a couple of clubs on George's Street to finally get to Hanover Street, which kind of reminded Benito of the grocery store back in VT, but no matter, Benito would have his fun. So, he entered the Bar Napoli, to be greeted by some fellow Italians. 'Lui parla un po' Italiano, non?' 'Si, veramente, d'accordo.' So, he ordered una pizza e bira and was quite satisfied, staying for the terra missu as well. Well, not quite $1000, but getting there. 'Ciao, Benito!' said the patrone. And Benito moved on down the street towards the next stop on the little tour, which was back to Prince's Street. haha. That was swell. It had been a good time in Edinburgh. And the next day was just peachy for it was time to check out of the Hostel. Oh, man. Well, Benito was up to the challenge and finally nailed down a meeting place ,after finding a Post Office to mail his postcards that he had written at the Elephant House. He bought some coffee from a girl named Catherine who had ball-boyed for the Australian Open, Benito was pleasaed ot learn. Then went in John Lewis for a spell before finding the Post Office, and being sequestered by a beautiful young blonde lady, wanting Benito to buy some expensive purses as a gift. 'Thanks, but no thanks!' said Benito, although he was extracted to some shoes in the front of the local Foot Locker. They have foot Locker in Edinburgh? First I heard. Well, St. James Shopping Center was quite the place. Anyway, Benito continued along without a hitch, for he still wanted to buy some scarves at a special rate, then meet up with Caroline for a class or two. But the bag proved more than Benito could manage and he ended up giving up after climbing two flights of stairs and several other appendages, walking a man all dressed up in Scottish Regalia walking down the street, and finding a store with some Spanish retailers selling cashmere. 'Thanks, but no thanks!' said Benito. And continued on to the next store were he found a two for one special being sold by an Indian man. 'Hello, Indian man!' said Benito. 'My name is Abu; I live in a shoe!' said the man. Well, that was all well in good, but where would Benito sleep if he did not catch his train! Then they parted ways, and Benito made his way to the Mound, where he considered going in both the Scottish Naitonal Gallery and the Castle. But neither option appealed to Benito, so he went down the Mound to some sort of a Central Park, where he wrote a little poem about his predicament which went something like this:

"Why am I so tired?
What the hell am I doing right now?
Why am I torturing myself like this?
C'est la vie?
C'est la distinguishing feature of the night!"

So, Benito made it to the John Knox statue afterall, and the school of Divinity. Ooh, Divinity? Well, maybe next time, and everything was on-line. Jumping on the train, he made his way north to Cupar, en route to St. Andrew's and the home of golf!

Edinburgh

Ok, well, ten min. is not enough time to go through everything from yesterday, but I shall try. You see, I started walking down Prince's Street, then came to Regent St., where I found a tall tower called the Nelson Memorial. There were some Chinese taking pictures outside, but I did not initiate contact. Instead, I went up to the top of the tower, from which point one could espy an island off the coast and people walking on the hill nearby. So, as soon as he could take in the view, Benito headed off in the direction of that landform, Arthur's Seat. It was a nice little walk down the spiral staircase, meeting multiple Italians along the way, and having quite a nice time for himself. You see, Benito was an Italian-phile. But off he went into the clear blue yonder, passing through the secret pass, and up the hill. There was a precarious spot where Benito considered whether to hop the fence or not, but decided against taking the risk as there were spikes attached. So off he went back around the Flying Scotsman and acroos the busy road to find some very attractive features in the rock.

The climb up was somewhat steep, but nothing compared to what Benito had faced in the past. It was quite exciting to be climbing up to the top of Arthur's Seat, and already the city was growing small below him and little joggers ran along the edge of the hills. So that was what he was experiencing as he went. And there were some couples and older people walking along, but Benito passed them all by, and continued until he could go no farther and said to himself, 'Oh, my!' for that was exactly how he felt. And there were even some rock climbers. Benito then picked out a nice spot to have hhis lunch as he was hoping for, and that was that. But little longer than he could expect there were more hikers to break his solitude, and Benito left a little trail behind of bread crumbs for the birds to pick up. 'Oh great, now he's making friends with the birds!' But Benito would not be disappointed, for he met some fellow students along the way, named Mary-Anne and Peter-Piper. Imagine that! They went to Edinburgh and St. Andrew's respectfully and were able to give good advice. But the real punch came at the top of the mountain, where Benito encountered some Belgians and Germans and they all smoked and took each other's pictures. How fabulous. Getting into a political discussion and such. Fabulous! Go Obama!

Guy Fawkes Night

So so so. You want to know about Guy Fawkes! Well, that's strictly confidential. You heard me! Off the books. Well, he passed this way the day before yesterday. But I'm warning you. If you so much as try to follow my path, I will have you and your men personally arrested!

...

Sorry, watching to much 'Public Enemies'. But, in any case, here's the skinny. We drove out to the pub where the festivities were taking place and immediately the issue was where to park? Driving around a few times, we finally landed a place. Bam! Right in the center of things. So that was that. The fire was raging and Benito was able to capture it on film. So that took care of that. But then there was the pub. A beautiful girl passed Benito out of nowhere and ducked out of sight. There goes the girl of my dreams, thought Benito, but there would be more. After receiving his Guinness, he moved on out to get a load of the huge bonfire. Unfortunately, they were charging: 2 lbs. of flesh. Ouch! What is this Halloween? Saw 3 & 1/2 or something? What do you take me for? The Undertaker?? Well, so much for that. We stayed at a safe distance and instead lit sparklers as other sensible people were doing and that followed some heavy lifting, but at least we had each other. And there were lots of smokers and women with baby carriages. Oh yeah, and some underage chicks. Beward the underage chicks!! Do not engage, repeat, do not engage. Well, once passed them, we were on our merry way and the firecrackers started to go off and then we were in Barney. But no matter, for there was cotton-candy nearby. Yum! There was a group then congregating around a young lady holding a bottle of wine. She assumed the pose of a dancer and Benito wanted to learn more, so he questioned the head hancho as to the whereabouts of said Guy Fawkes. Yeah, explained the officer, he tried to blow up Parliament sky high, but did not succeed. Intriguing. Well, what do you think of Guy? said Benito to the lady. I like them, she responded and went off to witness the fireworks by the bonfire, leaving Benito to ponder the weight of her response. It had been an eventful evening. Now he would go home to ponder his UK Asian Match responses, before hitting the sack. A-men. Good night one and all, and especially Jack Sprat, who could eat no lean. What a merry fellow. And, for the record, they do not except American Visa at Domino's. You see, they've got a few shady types wandering about. Alright, peace! -Benito

Happy Halloween!

Here in the UK, little kids celebrate Halloween in the customary fashion, knocking on doors for candies. A few pubs have their own Halloween festivities. At the golf course, they had all the trophies on display in the Clubhouse with 'Happy Halloween!' in big block letters overhead. It was a pleasant affair at the golf course today, going for the fun of it. First, though, we took a detour to Huddersfield, which was the nice private club. Going down the road, we didn't stop for there was a car coming up from behind. The players here were middle-aged men, all wanting an escape from their wives. Haha. Well, I didn't have a wife, so I plead the fifth and carried on. Coming to the roundabout, we headed in the direction of the public facility called Bradley Park.

Rolling up outside it was rather pleasant and busy, it being a Saturday and all came out to play! Benito headed for the pro shop, after having been dropped off, and looked at some of the fine merchandise. Sixty pounds for a t-shirt. Well, well, well. So be it. No, Benito didn't actually buy the t-shirt, but he gave it a half-second thought or two. In any event, he approached the counter and made his case. Oh, yeah. How splendid! Well, that was that. And how about the clubs. Benito received those as well. He questioned as to the glove situation, but since none were on hand except the new ones, Benito carried on about the business at hand. Namely, hitting the crap out of range balls. So, he made his way out onto the platform of nine and 3/4 and pitched his tent, so to speak. Lots one and two were reserved at one o'clock for those combatting the wilderness, but #4 looked right as rain! So, that is where Benito went. And the horror music started to play, for who should appear but an Indian man and his son. very scary. Well, what can I say? No, really, it's quite alright. Indian's are fine people, even if satirized on evening television, for example on the Simpson's. But no matter, we've got connections, so together they went across the park and made some nice ham sandwiches to eat. Mmmm. Ham. Honey ham. and that was that. Now what about the baker's man. Well, now that's another story. And we've had five, no ten, trick-or-treater's so far! Hoping for some more hot mom's! Well, there was this girl at the store with her mother, and Benito didn't notice her until it was too late, for since she was with her mum, there was little chance for him. But they had nowhere to sit, so Benito thought of offering them a place next to them. That would have been smooth, if he had had a previous conversation with the young lady. But, alas. So, there were all left to wonder what would be Benito's next big move. Until he pulled a hat trick like Michael Jackson and said, 'This is it!' And so it was.

Brighouse and Leeds

So I just put salt in my cereal again this morning, but no matter! Still good.

Anyway, I've had some adventures here in the UK thus far. The first position was a trip to Leeds, following a night of Bacchanalian feasting with a gay vicar. Oh, the joy! But I've had my shares of experiences with such parties, so there's really nothing new to report. A good time, suffice it to say, was had by all and ended in the morning discussing differing comic books for children, depending on the nationality and the interests involved, so that is how the British cookie crumbles.

But back to Leeds where we went a'visiting the University. It is actually quite a nice city, Leeds is. Past the bank and the large library we went and it was indeed special, but for now there's nothing to get our hopes up except for all the young people that we did see at the University at Leeds. First, it was a brief stop at Blackwell's Bookshop, which also operates in Oxford, as my previous adventures should dictate. As soon as we walk in, a beautiful gal with brunette hair walks by and up the stairs past Benito. Oh, my! Well, that was the first sight of the beautiful ones. Then, after a quick study we raided the chapel which had been completely modernized so that the offices were all set up in there. Coming up the stairs, Benito encountered the girl of his dreams who was waiting for some meeting or another and Benito quite fancied her, but made his way into the Chapel like St. More to pray where he found a group of young people gathered around in a circle. Ah, yes, very good. Benito joined them as they said the Lord's prayer, while the rest of them gathered round the priest, who was Anglo-Catholic. 'Please join us again next week!' said the priest. And so they would, but first for some coffee and cake. Another girl with blonde hair and blue eyes questioned Benito right there and then as to how he had heard about the prayer session. 'Happy coincidence, I guess!' said Benito with a smile. Ah, yes, the winning smile. So they all retreated at that moment into another room where Dave took Benito aside and introduced himself. 'Nice to meet you!' he said and made his move on the sandwhiches. 'yum!' said all in unison. And so the cat in the hat was pronounced as the most precious book ever, especially by Annie who was an English and Music major from God only knows where, but it was not New Jersey. Perhaps the old Jersey?? Who knows, but Benito somewhat fancied her. No matter, there would be another time. Benito also thought that her friend Emily kind of fancied him, so that was how it happened. James was there as well and promised to show Benito the world!! So off they went after a hug to Annie who made her way to the library.

'What a day!' said James. Yes, and what a day it was. They passed by multiple students, all good-looking. 'Maybe I should visit again!' thought Benito, as they entered the doors to the hallowed hall called Hopewell House, and so was Benito filled with hope. 'Yes we can! Yes we can!' he began to shout at the top of his voice, scaring a religion teacher out of his corner where he had been munching on some crackers and cheese. They would meet again in the bathroom, but for now he was content to scamper. And so did James scamper off with a fine how do you do! And how do you do?! He had been a politics and religion major, so that was that. After recording when the department would meet again to discuss the possibilities, Benito headed off again. This time, in the direction of the library, as James had suggested. It was quite a nice walk, during which period Benito almost got hit seven times by scooters and the like as there were no crosswalks to speak of. Ah, well, he received a very important call after having his photo taken by a little dark-haired, puffy girl outside the library whose name he did not catch, but she was happy to answer her 'Handy'. So that was how it went, as Benito questioned yet again. And again. The inside of the library was something to see. And Mr... Hyde gave the ring in, requesting that Benito come back by Christmas. Benito was not sure of his whereabouts at Christmas, but he knew it would not be near the cathedral unfortunately. Maybe in Italy, maybe in Germany, but not in Washington, DC. Which was unfortunate, for Benito wished that he might be home for Christmas, but not in the cards, for Benito also wished that he might be somewhere special for New Year's!

No matter, Benito entered the library after procuring a 'Day Pass' and made his way in to speak with a couple girls studying in the 'Law section' of the library, but as Benito found out, they were not in fact law students. No matter, Benito hit on them anyway, asking where he might procure a SIM card as the lady studying so intently also happened to have a Blackberry mobile. Oh, how cute! Well, that was all Benito got out of her before saying 'Good luck!' and good riddance. For Benito was headed towards the philosophy section in the basement, passing by the works of Berkeley and Kierkagaard and finally he found what he was looking for: a book on the philosophy of SEX. So, prostitutes, hmmmmm... But that was not the true treasure. For Benito also found the section with a smattering of Plato's works and commentaries on the same. Benito picked up a copy of a commentary on the 'Timaeus' which was some 500 pages long. Benito scanned through it, then noted the publisher and the University: Edinburgh. Now Benito knew where he must go and the fate of civilisation rested in his hands.

Bonn

The day had finally arrived to travel to that hallowed place, the birthplace of Ludwig van Beethoven. And so he dressed up finely that day in anticipation of this, his second voyage from Mechernich. It was a cold, windy, and drizzily day and he had borrowed an umbrella from his host, so he was prepared, yet the timing of that trip was unknown as to when the train would be departing the station, so the host had a look and determined that the train would be leaving in that moment. "Run, Benito, run!" He boarded the train just in time! Then had a little switch at Euscherchen, where he would later go shopping with his host, but for now... a girl sneezed on the way there and laughed, looking at Benito who also looked. They were school girls. Benito smiled and said something to the effect that it had been a large sneeze, and so it had.

Getting off to switch in Euscherchen, Benito looked and then looked again, finding that the train to Bonn was just under his nose. He ran to board it at the same time as a little girl from Africa. "Is this the train to Bonn?" asked Benito as the little girl rushed inside. "Yes" she had said, and so it was.

Having arrived in Bonn, Benito noted when the train would be coming back, and rushed toward the city. After wandering down a street for some ways, Benito came across the intersection for the cathedral. Ah, the Münster. Benito entered boldly, the door being held open for him by another wayward traveler. What a wonder this cathedral was when presented for Benito to espy. He noted the Holy Madonna & Child in the back of the pews and lit a candle right there and then, so that his time in Bonn might be blessed. Walking down the left-hand aisle, he sat down for a time, taking in the place and its frescoes on the walls. The lights turned on over the altar and Benito could make out a special design on the pulpit. After a long time or a short time, Benito got up and started to cross in front of the altar, when he noted an underground crypt, so he summoned his courage and went down the stairs into the crypt. It was brightly lit and there were different saints pictured on the walls, some with flowers underneath them. As a sign suggested, Benito knelt there in the crypt and said a prayer, again that his time in Bonn might be blessed and briefly thumbed through the prayer book. It was in German and Benito understood some words, such as 'A-men'. After his prayer, Benito took a few more pictures before departing on that rainy day in Bonn. He asked for some directions, then followed his own directions, and after a brief stop at a Bonn bakery, Benito headed down the University gardens. A row of trees formed a roof overhead as Benito walked. It was quite pleasant and then he had to cross a treacherous road, but Benito managed it with aplumb and then came into contact with some students at the University. He asked directions and the male counterpart told him to come along as he was walking that way. So Benito and his new companion went a-walking down the street singing, 'Hey wha-doo diddy hey what he doo!' Benito found out from the man that he was indeed a University student and that he had lived in the States for a time. In North Carolina, to be exact. After pointing Benito in the right direction, he departed with a handshake saying, 'Please enjoy your time in Germany!' Then, he was gone and Benito was left to walk all the way down to the mansion in the south of the city. It was also quite pleasant and Benito hummed to himself, singing a little diddy. Oh, how nice. Then he munched on his Brochenne, finding a little child and its mother, a girl on a bicycle, waiting at the stoplight, and a Muslim lady. At one point, Benito had to pass under an underpass where there was another small bakery and a place for making keys. A homeless man was stationed under the overpass and a man was handing out papers on the other side. Benito paid them all little heed, but continued on his quest. Arriving there finally, Benito found more ladies with baby-carriages and wished he had another Brochenne for the ducks that he found under the bridge. This was indeed a pleasant place and Benito took some pics before continuing on his merry way.

At the mansion, he took a right around it as some more University students passed by with their lunches, dressed in black, and Benito found his way around to the University's Botanical Gardens. There there were a few men smoking and talking up a storm in German. Benito, on the other hand, made for the roses and the nice little pond in the middle. He attempted to enter the greenhouse, but was denied, finding instead a coalition of the Uzbek-German Society! They found out that Benito was an American and started to celebrate, wanting to take multiple pictures with the ex-patriot. The girl was suddenly fascinated with Benito's camera and was asking him for advice on theirs. 'Cheers!' he said. The girl repeating her Thank-you's.

Immediately after exiting the gardens, Benito confronted a beautiful blonde maiden, asking her for directions. She did not know the answer which Benito sought and turned the corner before Benito could ask for her digits. He continued down this land for some time, passing by the 'Beethoven-Straße' and finding his way, after a long time or a short time, to the Romanische Museum, but not before stopping outside a Thai grocery store to consider his map. Benito stopped at the museum long enough to use the facility and attempt to question some elementary school students in German, as well as Russian, but at this Benito failed and finally just said, 'Cheusse'. Next, Benito went in totally the opposite direction from where he was supposed to go and ended up in an unknown neighborhood. Soon, Benito found his way again after consulting a pedestrian on the street just past the Haydn Straße.

Under the train station once again, Benito considered buying a sandwhich, then decided against it, going for a kaffee instead. Mmmmm.... Bonn, take two! A woman was advocating some on-line group or another and Benito asked her for directions. She pointed out the map to Benito, and he set out in search of the Thomas Münster Straße. But elected to stop by at the Tourist Information Center first in order to come around in the right direction. So, he entered into that mecca of Ludwig van Beethoven, to find original scores on display, as well as advertisements for various and sundry concerts. He questioned a dwarf, who lead him in the right direction, but not before having his piture taken with a blue statue of the musical patron saint of the city. He would later have another photo of himself with the statue in the central square, holding his pen as if he too could be the next Ludwig van...

After passing by a Chinese and an Italian restaurant, Benito came to the cemetary where both Robert and Clara Schumann, as well as Beethoven's mother, are buried. The first gate he tried was locked, but he did not stop there and continued around until he saw somebody exiting the premicise and made for the entrance. There he found some gravediggers which, of course, made Benito think of his favorite Shakespeare play, 'Hamlet', which the Shakespeare Theatre Company had performed in the park only the summer before. Benito had gone five times. And now, here he was with the gravediggers, who directed him to find Herr Schumann's gravesite, and there was much rejoicing. Benito continued along to find other graves of famous doctors since disappeared into the ground and now with a tomb left to mark their rememberance. Friday was a good day to visit the graveyard, Benito considered, and hummed a little diddy to himself, which he planned to compose in honor of Beethoven's mother. So that was how he spent his afternoon. Then, it was off to the Beethoven-Haus for some more ramblings.

After a long time or a short time, noting the McDonalds on the corner, Benito came to a bridge which passed over the Rhine (?) and took a left after passing by a bedding store from Napoli. Benito remarked at Bonn's 'Marriott Hotel' and considered that that would not be a bad way to spend the night. But Benito had a train to catch in any case, so it was not to be for the time being. Maybe in the future Benito could splurge, but now he had to find the house of one Ludwig van. Asking an elderly man for directions on the street, this same man escorted Benito once again to his destination, speaking an indecipherable German as they went. He waved to a fellow citizen who was lunching in another McDonalds and lead Benito right to the doorstep. Then, shook his hand and went off on his merry way. Benito was there at Beethoven's house.

Noting the paintings of Beethoven outside and the sign above the door, instructing Benito that this was indeed the house of one Ludwig van Beethoven, he entered in. Paying the some five euro's which Benito had saved from the previous museum, he entered into the museum shop to let loose his valuables in a locker. Entering into the garden, Benito was greeted by several busts of the artist, who was born in Bonn and was a church musician at the age of eleven. Benito sat for a time in the garden of Ludwig van Beethoven and wondered at how he created such works of brilliance and how he might one day do something similar (i.e. compose music). Well, that is how the creative mind worked. In one movie Benito had seen, Beethoven was pictured as having visited the lake-side on several occasions, going for long walks and composing as he went. This was how the music came to him.

Entering into the house of Ludwig van, he was greeted by the music which arose by a piano marked, 'Rürend ist verboden!' So, Benito dared not touch, but instead read a book about the museum and how different groups of musicians had presided over the workings and had established this most splendid museum in honor of Ludwig van Beethoven. After a tour upstairs of Beethoven's instruments, a concert downstairs of a futuristic opera in Italian, and a chocolate from the museum shop, Benito made for the train once again, stopping in the marketplace for some Turkish yogurt. (Or was it Greek?) No matter, Benito had some more adventures on the train before arriving back in Mechernich. What a good time he had had in Bonn!

Cologne and Bonn

The train to Cologne left in the morning at half-past ten. It was a straight shot there and disembarking, Benito felt a sense that he had done this before. But no matter, Benito often experienced these moments of des-ja-vu! So off he went, following the crowd and found to his delight a lady in distress. He flagged her down and struck up a conversation, finding out that her name was Sara and that she was coming from some remote region of Germany, waiting for her friend. 'Ciao!' said Benito to the young girl in front of the cathedral. He made for the museum, but before that he stopped to buy some goodies at the local Asian memorabilia stand. 'Where are you from?' asked the lady at the stand. 'Oh, somewhere far, far away', said Benito. 'Well, then,' said the lady, 'Help yourself to some merchandise.' -- 'Thank you!' said Benito. There were some more girls standing nearby and Benito struck up a conversation with one of them. 'So' he said, 'Where are you from?' -- 'We are from Belgium,' she said in perfect English. 'Nous parlons un peu le francais!' -- 'Tres bien!' said Benito and off he went. The cathedral at Cologne was a sight to behold and there was the man making his sketches on the ground and the clown entertaining outside the grand doors. Benito made for the fountain where he attempted to take some pictures, but ended up getting all wet because of the blowing of the breezes along the 'wasser'. Memory full, read his camera. "C'est la vie!" thought Benito and off he went to the museum, which was closed on Muntag.

After addressing some Korean tourists and informing them that the museum was indeed closed, he went to check out the movie theater. 'Romeo + Juliet' was playing in a theater near you, well, in Cologne that is. A lady was looking at traffic moving under the bridge and Benito stopped as well to ponder the traffic. 'Mmmm' he said more to himself than anybody else, 'Traffic.' Well, he went up to the lady, who was bulbous at best, and addressed her saying, 'Das Museum est geschlost immer Muntag?' It was an honest question and deserved an honest answer. 'Yes, unfortunately' she said in perfect English. 'You might try the cathedral, and then the Romanesque church (which also turned out to be closed), and perhaps a boat ride down the Rhine!' Benito thought these were good ideas and so often he went, past some bars and some migrant travelers to the Romanesque church. Not finding the entrance at first, he made his way around the edifice to find a convenient toilet. 'Ah, what a relief!' he said to himself, putting in his coinage. He thanked the clean-up lady after he was finished and continued on his way, stopping at yet another fountain below the church. If you could not tell already, Benito enjoyed the sound of water. Then, he made for the Rhine and bought his ticket. With time to kill, he decided to investigate the Romanesque church. He went up an alley, similar to Diagon Alley in Harry Potter, and came out at a square with a statue of Gustav Hermann Blaeser and compatriots. It was quite the sight and construction workers were on the move. Continuing along, Benito found yet another fountain commemorating what looked like something to do with WWII and there were other tourists there as well. Unfortunately, the church was closed on Monday as well, but Benito did meet yet another nun who asked him, 'Wo kommen-Sie hier?' or 'Where do you come from?' To which Benito replied, 'Plus longtemps du ici', for she spoke un peu le francais as well. 'Peut-etre, we meet again,' Benito said, and off she went, while Benito eyed a girl smoking nearby, who quickly left to get back to work. Much to Benito's delight, however, he found a 'Hard Rock Cafe'! Immediately, he made a V-line for it to purchase his collector's item. I measly 20 euro. Coming back, there was a woman with a baby stroller inside a pub and she asked Benito if he could be of some assistance. So, Benito opened the door and had a peek inside, promising himself that he would return at some point. It was a nice place to be sure, but Benito had a boat to catch. Buying an espresso at the local store, he made for the water once again.

With little time to spare, Benito ran to the boat at Dock #5. He had been keeping the boat waiting for him, or so it seemed. At the gate, the porter asked for his ticket to which Benito obliged readily and hurried on board. He planted himself at a single booth and asked how much was the beer. Finding it too expensive, Benito sipped on his beverage instead and made out some postcards in the meantime as the trip got underway. The voice on the loudspeaker gave the tour of the Rhine in German, English, and Chinese. There were some Koreans and some Spanish on board for the cruise, and Benito made their acquaintance, though not for some time. Ah, well, the joys of traveling solo. Benito made out a boat named the 'Bellissima' as well. 'Che bella!' he thought. There were also some museums he made out, including one dedicated to Liszt chocolate and some people walking along the beach, which Benito thought was a grand idea! So, after the boat trip, he made for the bridge where he found a lot of locks. He took pictures of some Chinese ladies and that was that. Coming to a movie theater at the start of the beach, Benito looked back over the water and admired the view. He had seen a dead pigeon as an evil omen, but didn't give it too much thought. It was a fine day to be sure in Cologne. Coming back across he considered buying some cigarettes, but decided against it. Instead, he found some Italians wearing nice shoes, but they appeared to be mafiosoes, so Benito decided against striking up a conversation with them. He was pleased to find them nevertheless and also found some Goth backpackers hanging out at the base of the cathedral, then Benito bought a hamburger at McDonalds and boarded the train once again.

Marywalt & Munster-Eiffel

Into the woods we traveled for a little while, the National Park of Eiffel, for to see the nuns in the forest. There were hikers and walkers going all around the natural scene. Birch trees lined the road as the two pilgrims made their way by horse-drawn carriage. You see, that is how one traveled in the early days,in the 13th Century. Old huts lined the streets and chickens cluck-clucked in the courtyard. The churches were beautiful to be sure, and this particular one in the mountains of Eiffel was particularly beautiful, complete with an organ and fine scene it was.

But first we had to try the particularly delicious pea-soup that the nuns make in their cloistered tower. They work all day just to turn out one pea, and then squeeze it out into a dish for all to enjoy. If you're lucky, you might just get a special sausage as well. "Schmekte-gutt!" said the pilgrim. And schmekte-gutt it was. After lunch, Benito the Pilgrim wrote some postcards, then made for the church. He observed a horse feasting nearby and then entered the holy sanctuary to take his seat. His companion entered later and together they contemplated the holiness for awhile. What a holy place here in the hills! The pilgrim signed his name: 'Bodenstein von Karlstadt' on the register, for that was indeed his name.

Then the pilgrims boarded the carriage once more to come out to the Rursee where they found a vast sea spread out before them. A boat was coming in to harbor and seeing the sailboats made Benito the Pilgrim think of Holland and ImJugene. But that was then and this is now. Now, the pilgrim asked a man standing nearby to create a photograph. He did not speak English, but managed to explain to him how he wanted the 'Schiffs' in the background. He muttered something imperceptible, then took the photograph. It was a good one. Then Benito took another picture of boat coming into port and then they were off! It had been a pleasant stay by the sea and another train was getting ready to take passengers to their next destination. 'Auf Wiedesehen!'

The next day, the pilgrims transformed into tennis players and went in search of shoes and tennis courts. It had been a good experience thus far, and playing tennis would be sure to top it off! Unfortunately, the courts were too wet to play, so the two players went for a day on the town. What a busy scene it was! Benito the Tennis Player scored himself a dish for his mother, anxiously awaiting his return back in America, and played with a music box before entering another antiques store and Glassware shop. "Ooh, look at all this glass!!" said Benito. They had many fine things there in the place. Then we passed beneath the gate.

There was a young lady walking her dog there and Benito reached down to pet it. He did not pet the girl, however, and regretted it later as he entered yet another 'Kirche'. There was a Rathaus as well where they were celebrating a wedding. "Gutten Tag!" said Benito to the assembled crowd. Music was all around to be heard, coming as it seemed from the tops of windows. A fountain stood nearby and people in traditional dress were also walking down the Straate. The church of Chrysanthus was very dark and he tried to take a photograph of the icon, but his camera died at that point. There was music also to be found in the restaurant nearby and many pictures with the Rolling Stones as well. Whitney Houston played on a small radio outside the Rathaus as the married couple came forward under the flowers of the assembled people and let loose some red balloons, much to the delight of all, as bystanders clapped and wished the married couple well and many years of bliss. It had been a good look in town and now it was time to say good-bye to this quaint little town. The two tennis playerss went back to the store to pick up their goodies, passing several pubs along the way, but none of them did they go in, for they had spent all their money and coffeee and cake cost lots of $$. They stopped at the bank for some more 'Geld' before continuing on to their next destination.

The indoor tennis facility stood all by itself in this remote valley and Benito would have liked to play, except playing indoors is expensive and besides he had no partner for his companion had hurt her shoulder. But that is how the chocolate-covered banana tastes when chewed in the mouth! And how about Obama winning the Nobel Prize! Well, that is something, but a discussion for another blog. And now it is time for a little nap, for Benito had stayed up late playing the piano for Van and now was very tired, but he had to first eat his curds and whey, a special treat in Germany, in addition to the Bratwurst and sausages, but that is for 'Mittag essen', whereas one gets a cookie for desert with coffee and that is considered to be delicious. 'Schmekte-gutt!' You see, Benito does learn a little German! But he is balling in his new Kangaroo shoes and occasionally tends to hop with them on. Ok, time for fish and chips. Cheusse!

Coming in Germany!

There was a slight upset on the train the other night, or more than a few, for you see Peter Piper got left on the train coming back from Amsterdam, for he had given all his change to a passer-by, then gone shoe and CD-shopping for to catch the Ä-train! Then, he had gotten carried away offering pickles to young Dutch college girls. Oh, my! When it came time to catch the proper train, he was at a loss, for all the lights had gone out. The train went, but then it was suddenly going backwards and then Benito wished he had the help of his prostitute friend. So, that is how it happened. Then the train came to a stop in the train depot and stayed there. 'Wo ist mein Zug?' thought Peter Piper at that moment. And so he got up and made for the front of the train, so as to find out where the train driver had gotten to. Oh, my, thought Peter Piper, this is a scene from one of my favorite Hitchcock movies! Finally, there came someone out to the train to rescue the poor Peter Piper. 'Poor Peter Piper!' he said, 'Kommen Sie hier!' So he went and they had to take a taxi back to the proper train station, for to get a train to Aerendenhout. 'How silly is that!' thought Peter Piper disembarking from the train.

Now Benito had to get up early to make his train the next time.

Trip to Port Town

'Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers,
A pack of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked..."
How in the world does this poem go?

Anyhow, Peter Piper and the elder hobbit were in Porttown, NL. This was quite a sight to see, for there were quite a few industrious complexes filled with hordes of goblins. What do you take me for, a coal digger? IJmuiden was the name of the place, and watching the locks open and close was the name of the game. But where were the boats?! They moved out to take a look at the place and saw all from a distance. The canal was spread before them. So, what do you think? Peter Piper spotted a cat on the prowl and pointed it out to the elder hobbit. "Well, bless my soul, a kitty! Psh, psh, psh..." said the elder hobbit. Although the beach is "somewhat marred by chimney stacks and plumes of smoke", the North Sea is a sight to behold.

"What a sight to behold!" said Peter Piper to the elder hobbit. And so it was.

They walked for a distance towards the first lock. "Maybe we can espy the Lock-ness Monster!" said Peter Piper eagerly. Yes, now that would be fun! After a long time or a short time, they came to a gaggle of geese. Öh my, look at all those geese"! said Peter Piper. Öh my, yes", said the elder hobbit. "They are quite interesting creatures indeed. Look how they graze upon the grass and follow each other in a line. Very fascinating, indeed."

After standing memorized, looking at geese, they continued on the way and, after a long time or a short time, they came to the lock. The elder hobbit explained its mechanism:

"The height of the water in the canal is 3.5 meters higher than that in the sea. The gate opens, allowing water to pass freely, and the boat can pass in the lock. Then the gate closes behind and the water level rises to the height of the water level in the canal. Now the boat can pass without trouble into the canal. That is how it happens. But it is Sunday, so there are no boats!"

Or this is how they thought. Walking back along the road to the canal, the elder hobbit motioned for Peter Piper to come along. As soon as they came back near their carriage, they found a ship! And what a ship it was with Energy Progress written in great letters on the hull, and "Golden Energy" written in gold letters. What a sight!

Ït is some sort of a tanker", said the elder hobbit. They are speaking \russian, remarked Peter Piper.

Well, that was all well and good, but that didn't solve their problem as to how they would get back across the lock, for the lock itself served as the road across which cars and mopeds would cross. Lucky enough there were some fishermen who could catch them a herring or two, and they still had the apples. Their was a friendly couple of fellow hobbits watching the spectacle as well as the same time and one of them caught a ride with another hobbit in his carriage. This left the lady hobbit walking with them some yards behind, but no, come to think of it, she stayed right with them the whole way and around they went. For they were in search of two young hobbits, who passed this way, the day before yesterday. 'Wow, she was something else!' But enough about Dutch women. Suffice it to say, she was from Amsterdam, meaning she was probably a prostitute or some such a thing. Peter Piper decided he'd stick to his peppers. And so, off they went, walking around the lock.

"You are on holiday?" asked the prostitute.

"yes," responded Peter Piper. "For the week."

"Ok, I see."

"Have you ever heard of Man of La Mancha", said Peter Piper.

"No," said the prostitute.