'Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers,
A pack of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked..."
How in the world does this poem go?
Anyhow, Peter Piper and the elder hobbit were in Porttown, NL. This was quite a sight to see, for there were quite a few industrious complexes filled with hordes of goblins. What do you take me for, a coal digger? IJmuiden was the name of the place, and watching the locks open and close was the name of the game. But where were the boats?! They moved out to take a look at the place and saw all from a distance. The canal was spread before them. So, what do you think? Peter Piper spotted a cat on the prowl and pointed it out to the elder hobbit. "Well, bless my soul, a kitty! Psh, psh, psh..." said the elder hobbit. Although the beach is "somewhat marred by chimney stacks and plumes of smoke", the North Sea is a sight to behold.
"What a sight to behold!" said Peter Piper to the elder hobbit. And so it was.
They walked for a distance towards the first lock. "Maybe we can espy the Lock-ness Monster!" said Peter Piper eagerly. Yes, now that would be fun! After a long time or a short time, they came to a gaggle of geese. Öh my, look at all those geese"! said Peter Piper. Öh my, yes", said the elder hobbit. "They are quite interesting creatures indeed. Look how they graze upon the grass and follow each other in a line. Very fascinating, indeed."
After standing memorized, looking at geese, they continued on the way and, after a long time or a short time, they came to the lock. The elder hobbit explained its mechanism:
"The height of the water in the canal is 3.5 meters higher than that in the sea. The gate opens, allowing water to pass freely, and the boat can pass in the lock. Then the gate closes behind and the water level rises to the height of the water level in the canal. Now the boat can pass without trouble into the canal. That is how it happens. But it is Sunday, so there are no boats!"
Or this is how they thought. Walking back along the road to the canal, the elder hobbit motioned for Peter Piper to come along. As soon as they came back near their carriage, they found a ship! And what a ship it was with Energy Progress written in great letters on the hull, and "Golden Energy" written in gold letters. What a sight!
Ït is some sort of a tanker", said the elder hobbit. They are speaking \russian, remarked Peter Piper.
Well, that was all well and good, but that didn't solve their problem as to how they would get back across the lock, for the lock itself served as the road across which cars and mopeds would cross. Lucky enough there were some fishermen who could catch them a herring or two, and they still had the apples. Their was a friendly couple of fellow hobbits watching the spectacle as well as the same time and one of them caught a ride with another hobbit in his carriage. This left the lady hobbit walking with them some yards behind, but no, come to think of it, she stayed right with them the whole way and around they went. For they were in search of two young hobbits, who passed this way, the day before yesterday. 'Wow, she was something else!' But enough about Dutch women. Suffice it to say, she was from Amsterdam, meaning she was probably a prostitute or some such a thing. Peter Piper decided he'd stick to his peppers. And so, off they went, walking around the lock.
"You are on holiday?" asked the prostitute.
"yes," responded Peter Piper. "For the week."
"Ok, I see."
"Have you ever heard of Man of La Mancha", said Peter Piper.
"No," said the prostitute.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Apple-Picking, Amsterdam Trekking, and Sailing Down the Loch
When it came time to pick the apples, they were all laid out on the table, and they found it difficult to comprehend the immensity of the project. "Where in the world did all these apples come from anyhow?" said the hobbit, enjoying a fine slice.
"Ah, yes, now in the alder days, things were different".
"How so?"
"Well, a great deal different!"
"How different?"
"Well, for one thing, they were all covered with water."
"Water?"
Ïndeed.
Well, there were a few hot mammas and lots of little baby hobbits running around. What do you take me for, a regular Amsterdam strumpet? What could we do, but eat the little ones. So we all gathered round for a fine party with lots of balloons, eating whatever we could get our hands on, and especially taste-testing the apple-beer. Yes, apple-beer. have you ever tried it? It is really quite something and tastes extra special when mixed with your favorite Port wine, but that's another story entirely. Now we are drinking Ho_Ha_Hola. It's a special Dutch drink that is usually digested with und heineken and perhaps one raw, red herring. Ä herring! said the hobbit. "Vee vant a herrring!" And the Monty Python crowd suddenly showed up and started patting everyone on the back and uttering such merry things as would please the smallest child, roasting now gently over the fire.
"You really eat babies?" asked the little boy to his grandpa Moses.
Önly on special occasions such as this", said the man, "For instance on our twenty-fifth anniversary..." Now that was at Winter Park, a manor house where they shoot the elk. Elk in holland? Now what is this world coming to anyhow? But that is how life is. You must eat all the AppelStroop before the next man, but what is it to him anyhow, but laughing uproariously at the last prostitute while she is smoking weed in anyone of the Brown Cafe's, which is of course 'Verboden'.
Then came the time when Amsterdam was on the train. They were all of them sailors and all of them about ye high. Radio N reports that what we see is not all that we hear, and so was it reported on the latest report from Blackberry, which does not make much sense in translation, but hurrying on to our final destination at A'dam Centraal. Who should appear but one of those blonde Dutch girls walking down the street singing 'Hey wha-diddy-diddy-diddy-doo':
"Ohh I need your lovin', hope you know it's true!' Hold me, love me, say you mean it too. Always on my mind. One thing I can say girl is love you all the time. Ain't got nothing but love, eight days a week. Not enough to show I care."
Coming into port, we moved to take our place in line, after plowing through all the people. 'Vell, vee better check za prices', said the hobbit to the little boy. And so that's what they went. The hobbit translated for the young boy, who was quite fascinated with the bright, blue sky. A nice couple of fellow hobbits then showed up and gave special instructions on how to purchase a basic card, but that was for naught for the older hobbit would have none. Now the little boy came following and down the stairs past the 'I am Amsterdam' sign.
"Can you take my picture?"
"Surely".
"Thank you very much".
Now the little girl was old enough for Roman Polanski, but not for the little boy who was quite shy in fact. He allowed her to rejoin her family of fellow hobbits. Then they went on the move. The traffic was fierce, what with bicycles, cars, and mopeds, but the hobbit and the little boy were determined and continued along unabated. What should appear but a large sign that showed the way to jump off of a very high place on a scooter board, or something such as this. "No matter", thought the little boy, "That looks pretty gay anyway." So off they went, snapping pictures along the way, until they came to one of those Brown Cafe's and a couple Sex Shops. They paid them little heed and kept straight ahead, remarking on the architecture of some of the newer houses."
Ï once lived here" said the hobbit.
"Nice," said the little boy.
Wow. Well, that was facinating. Anywho, who knows what could happen next?! Everything is possible in Amsterdam. So after a few more winding streets, they came upon a 'kirk' where gay rights were celebrated openly. The little boy approached unabated and found himself face to face with a red-haired lady-hobbit who laughed, then passed on, following the group. There was a fraternity there congregated outside and the little boy ran on, too shy to make conversation. He was just a little boy, afterall, and not used to this so-called fraternity setting. Then came Anne Frank's House. Or otherwise known as 'Annen Franken Huis'. The line was long, but the little boy was determined, so he started to scale the edifice to find Anne Frank. He wondered if the Gestapo would have been as clever as him, but of course, he had not take world history as yet. So, what now? Ï'm on top of the world!" said the little boy. And indeed he was, for he was on top of Anne Frank. Now a man, the little boy opened his eyes and found his was in a port.
"Ah, yes, now in the alder days, things were different".
"How so?"
"Well, a great deal different!"
"How different?"
"Well, for one thing, they were all covered with water."
"Water?"
Ïndeed.
Well, there were a few hot mammas and lots of little baby hobbits running around. What do you take me for, a regular Amsterdam strumpet? What could we do, but eat the little ones. So we all gathered round for a fine party with lots of balloons, eating whatever we could get our hands on, and especially taste-testing the apple-beer. Yes, apple-beer. have you ever tried it? It is really quite something and tastes extra special when mixed with your favorite Port wine, but that's another story entirely. Now we are drinking Ho_Ha_Hola. It's a special Dutch drink that is usually digested with und heineken and perhaps one raw, red herring. Ä herring! said the hobbit. "Vee vant a herrring!" And the Monty Python crowd suddenly showed up and started patting everyone on the back and uttering such merry things as would please the smallest child, roasting now gently over the fire.
"You really eat babies?" asked the little boy to his grandpa Moses.
Önly on special occasions such as this", said the man, "For instance on our twenty-fifth anniversary..." Now that was at Winter Park, a manor house where they shoot the elk. Elk in holland? Now what is this world coming to anyhow? But that is how life is. You must eat all the AppelStroop before the next man, but what is it to him anyhow, but laughing uproariously at the last prostitute while she is smoking weed in anyone of the Brown Cafe's, which is of course 'Verboden'.
Then came the time when Amsterdam was on the train. They were all of them sailors and all of them about ye high. Radio N reports that what we see is not all that we hear, and so was it reported on the latest report from Blackberry, which does not make much sense in translation, but hurrying on to our final destination at A'dam Centraal. Who should appear but one of those blonde Dutch girls walking down the street singing 'Hey wha-diddy-diddy-diddy-doo':
"Ohh I need your lovin', hope you know it's true!' Hold me, love me, say you mean it too. Always on my mind. One thing I can say girl is love you all the time. Ain't got nothing but love, eight days a week. Not enough to show I care."
Coming into port, we moved to take our place in line, after plowing through all the people. 'Vell, vee better check za prices', said the hobbit to the little boy. And so that's what they went. The hobbit translated for the young boy, who was quite fascinated with the bright, blue sky. A nice couple of fellow hobbits then showed up and gave special instructions on how to purchase a basic card, but that was for naught for the older hobbit would have none. Now the little boy came following and down the stairs past the 'I am Amsterdam' sign.
"Can you take my picture?"
"Surely".
"Thank you very much".
Now the little girl was old enough for Roman Polanski, but not for the little boy who was quite shy in fact. He allowed her to rejoin her family of fellow hobbits. Then they went on the move. The traffic was fierce, what with bicycles, cars, and mopeds, but the hobbit and the little boy were determined and continued along unabated. What should appear but a large sign that showed the way to jump off of a very high place on a scooter board, or something such as this. "No matter", thought the little boy, "That looks pretty gay anyway." So off they went, snapping pictures along the way, until they came to one of those Brown Cafe's and a couple Sex Shops. They paid them little heed and kept straight ahead, remarking on the architecture of some of the newer houses."
Ï once lived here" said the hobbit.
"Nice," said the little boy.
Wow. Well, that was facinating. Anywho, who knows what could happen next?! Everything is possible in Amsterdam. So after a few more winding streets, they came upon a 'kirk' where gay rights were celebrated openly. The little boy approached unabated and found himself face to face with a red-haired lady-hobbit who laughed, then passed on, following the group. There was a fraternity there congregated outside and the little boy ran on, too shy to make conversation. He was just a little boy, afterall, and not used to this so-called fraternity setting. Then came Anne Frank's House. Or otherwise known as 'Annen Franken Huis'. The line was long, but the little boy was determined, so he started to scale the edifice to find Anne Frank. He wondered if the Gestapo would have been as clever as him, but of course, he had not take world history as yet. So, what now? Ï'm on top of the world!" said the little boy. And indeed he was, for he was on top of Anne Frank. Now a man, the little boy opened his eyes and found his was in a port.
Friday, September 25, 2009
First Stop: Holland
As Benito stepped out onto "platform nine and three-quarters", there was a great hush and everyone was silent. He uttered a charm of enlightenment and was suddenly transformed into a spirit in the style of Dhana Yoga, meeting with Master Moon high in the clouds. "You must not look for enlightenment outside of yourself", said Master Moon,"You must look inside!" So much for $20 of enlightenment, even though he did receive a 'happy ending'on his birthday! Thank you, Master Moon. And the moon shown brighter that night for all. But what about Professor Ichi who showed us the Buddhist mantra of enlightenment, patting a drum with one hand while beating off with the other. Well, no matter, she has been to Europe before, but then again, so has Benito. Benito the Wise, Benito the Great, Benito the Lewd and Magnificent. He goes by many names, but Benito will do for now, for what could be more amazing than an epic adventure in the style of one Bilbo Baggins.
After banging every stewardess he laid eyes on in his mind, Benito came through the transportation via 'flu powder' quite suddenly. There he found a lovely Dutch maiden who transported him to Assissi and back with one kiss. Oh, to be young and free! The two amiable and excellent elder hobbits which found him right there and then had sent a carriage to pick him up. Oh, what fun! They thereby meandered through the pastures and after a long time or a short time came to a quaint little cottage on the edge of town. This then was Benito's first experience of what is truly Dutch. Coffee was immediately served and a discussion of the best ways in which to fry a mouse that one picks up on floor.
"Well, I'll be!" said Benito, "You have eaten mice?"
"Yes, we eat them by the dozen," said the elder hobbit.
"Really! Quite remarkablë."
Then Benito got back inside the carriage with the younger Dutch hobbit and they went on their way. To Haarlem, yo! And off they went, whereupon it struck Benito to snap some photos. So, he got out of the carriage and went around asking people to take his picture, including a nice buxom blonde who asked incredulously, "Where are you from?" To which Benito replied, "From the planed of love, my little mousey. Where shall we be hid to save us from the scooters?" Then she said, "Why, my dear, that'll be two hundred fifty euros, if you don't mind"> Holla! Who's pimpin' now? Well, I hope they serve beer in hell or something çause this mofo gonna blow! And so it did.
Then they drank some coffee and everything was copisetic. So ended the first day.
They next day was one of running around trying to figure out how one had lost his/ her communicator. But that was quickly solved with reference to an earlier adventure involving the infamous 'V-card' which one can read about in the 'Benito Blóg' (www.benitoiswhitechocolate.blogspot.com). We must pick the apples now and quickly. Then they drank some apple-beer and all was in order. "We must do this again sometime, and with the proper health care", said Benito. And so everyone agreed to do the same thing again next year, about this time.
After banging every stewardess he laid eyes on in his mind, Benito came through the transportation via 'flu powder' quite suddenly. There he found a lovely Dutch maiden who transported him to Assissi and back with one kiss. Oh, to be young and free! The two amiable and excellent elder hobbits which found him right there and then had sent a carriage to pick him up. Oh, what fun! They thereby meandered through the pastures and after a long time or a short time came to a quaint little cottage on the edge of town. This then was Benito's first experience of what is truly Dutch. Coffee was immediately served and a discussion of the best ways in which to fry a mouse that one picks up on floor.
"Well, I'll be!" said Benito, "You have eaten mice?"
"Yes, we eat them by the dozen," said the elder hobbit.
"Really! Quite remarkablë."
Then Benito got back inside the carriage with the younger Dutch hobbit and they went on their way. To Haarlem, yo! And off they went, whereupon it struck Benito to snap some photos. So, he got out of the carriage and went around asking people to take his picture, including a nice buxom blonde who asked incredulously, "Where are you from?" To which Benito replied, "From the planed of love, my little mousey. Where shall we be hid to save us from the scooters?" Then she said, "Why, my dear, that'll be two hundred fifty euros, if you don't mind"> Holla! Who's pimpin' now? Well, I hope they serve beer in hell or something çause this mofo gonna blow! And so it did.
Then they drank some coffee and everything was copisetic. So ended the first day.
They next day was one of running around trying to figure out how one had lost his/ her communicator. But that was quickly solved with reference to an earlier adventure involving the infamous 'V-card' which one can read about in the 'Benito Blóg' (www.benitoiswhitechocolate.blogspot.com). We must pick the apples now and quickly. Then they drank some apple-beer and all was in order. "We must do this again sometime, and with the proper health care", said Benito. And so everyone agreed to do the same thing again next year, about this time.
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